Good Places to Shit in Seattle

Finding a good public restroom in which to take a shit is an issue I take very seriously. In fact, I consider this one of the more serious dilemmas facing modern man.  This may seem trivial compared to other problems the world is facing, but the need to shit is uniquely capable of preempting all other concerns one might have.  The experience is temporary, but can be so monumentally urgent that research is justified and profitable.

In the future, I will provide reviews and recommendations of specific public restrooms, but first we should establish some criteria for judgment.  Proximity is obviously the chief concern, but knowing a good bathroom from a terrible one is almost as important.  In my view, the primary relevant attributes are:

• Somewhat private and not completely foul. Your expectations should be reasonable, but there is also no need to degrade yourself.  On the "Trainspotting" scale, you're aiming for 5 or better. 
  

Reference points

• Availability. If time expires while you're waiting in line, it doesn't make any goddamn difference how awesome that toilet is.
  

• Hours of Operation. No matter how close the countdown is to zero, I have never broken into a building to take a shit (though I have considered it).  The previous criteria are irrelevant if the place is closed.
  

• Free. Having to buy something before being allowed to visit the facilities is worse than death.  Needing a key isn't ideal, but can be worked with.  In the best case, the key is connected to a spatula and sitting on a counter.  Having to ask for a key, or to be buzzed in is almost as bad as requiring a purchase.